Simon has banned me from any future suicide attempts because He wants the pleasure of killing me himself some day, heheh.

*quote from "the Goonies"* That's pretty sick, chubbs.

Just kidding!   

It's probably a personality thing. When I get down, I usually get mean, not sad.

I'll have to try that one. I bet my husband won't like it though.

I want you to know I think you are very brave to put it out there! Wow!

Thanks!

p.s Yup. I have been there and its all good now!

Glad to hear that you've made it through too. It gives me hope expecially when I'm feeling bad.

but I've wondered how could someone just do it and wasn't it hard for them to do?

Yes very hard but at the same time it seems like the only way out. When I feel this way it seems like the easiest way out. I guess it's hard to explain. Everything becomes so overwhelming and feels unfixable.

LW,

I'm so GLAD you're still here! I know I haven't been here long, but still my life would not be the same without you.

These days I consider checking out when my R/A is flaring up so badly I can't imagine dealing with it for years on end...

I'm sure it's not like having R/A. I have back problems with considerable pain on some days. I had surgery at 28 and the doctor told me that my spine is "old" for my age. Eventually I need some fusions done. For now I think just about today. Today's a good day...or hopefully tomorrow will be better. I try not to think of eventually.

but Simon has banned me from any future suicide attempts because He wants the pleasure of killing me himself some day, heheh.

I'm glad Simon has put you in your place.

Valium helps

I have self-medicated with valium. I only do it occasionally when I'm severely depressed. Then I take a nap and usually feel much better when I wake up.

But I haven't done this in a very very loooong time.

I thing of being (as in being a human) as better than not-being (as in being dead or never having lived). I believe that being is a gift. It may not be a gift I like, at times. But it is still a gift. It's crude, churlish to throw away a gift because at some given moment we don't or can't appreciate it.

I'm prone to depression and sometimes my outlook is very bleak. As an adolescent I thought of suicide almost every day. I used to think of the process itself as something secondary to the act and I always pictured the act in the same way: a diver, making a perfect Swan's Dive into dark waters. There might be rocks just under the surface, or deeper waters still. The diver couldn't know but took the leap anyway.

A pretty image for an act of ingratitude. Have I ever considered suicide? Yes, many times. Would I ever do it? I can't imagine so, because ingratitude is one of very few things that truly cause me offence. But there's no point in saying 'I would never under any circumstances kill myself' because I can't imagine all circumstances, let alone know what my reactions might be.

Something sufficiently miserable might well force me to overcome my repugnance.

I considered suicide for many years when I was young, a teen to be exact. It's not easy to live believing that everything goes wrong no matter what you do and it seems that it only happens to you. It's not easy when you think you are doing the right thing only to get failed results. It's not easy when you are told that you are responsible for the bad relationship between your parents by your mom, even worse when she claims never to have said it to you. For years I thought I was crazy, that I could not be right in the mind cause everything I did was wrong. I remember hitting my head with a book several times in 3rd grade cause I just couldn't understand why kids didn't like me, made fun of me, wanted to beat me up and couldn't get girls interested in me.

I eventually understood that I was caring too much about what others thought of me or what I did. It took me a long time to change myself but I did. Today I don't care much for peoples opinions, I do things my way reguardless of what others think cause I'm looking for satisfaction for myself not others. Now I look forward to every day that comes, I look forward to another day with my kids, I look forward to someday having a better life, I even look forward to happiness either from my childrens mother or from someone else. Whether any of this happens or not is OK, at least I gave myself a chance.

I have self-medicated with valium. I only do it occasionally when I'm severely depressed. Then I take a nap and usually feel much better when I wake up.But I haven't done this in a very very loooong time.

That is what I am doing now, it really helps a lot, just take it when I need it. I feel like my old college self again.

I am really thinking that I need to be on something like that and just used other drugs through college so didnt notice. Now that I am "kinda clean" I think that I am really feeling the effects.

"""""There have been times when I have sincerely believed that the lives of everyone I cared about would be improved if I were no longer around."""""

I feel that way alot. It's my reason FOR living. To quote a magnificent man: "God sent me to piss the world off". You propably wouldn't recognize the genius, so I'm not even gonna waste time telling you his name.

I've never considered suiced, Question, but if I had, and I tried, I would succeed. "Trying to kill ones self" is a riduculous mixture of words. If you want it, make it happen.

Trinitie

You propably wouldn't recognize the genius, so I'm not even gonna waste time telling you his name.

You're right - I would not recognize him as a genius! Thanks!

I've never considered suiced,

I'm glad for that.

"If you want it, make it happen."

Very well then, may your first attempt (assuming that some day you make one) be one-hundred percent successful, you snotty little biatch.

"You propably wouldn't recognize the genius"

The "genius" you quote is a wanna be white-boy rapper, and yes, Virginia, we've all heard of Eminem here.

Very well then, may your first attempt (assuming that some day you make one) be one-hundred percent successful, you snotty little biatch... and yes, virginia, we've all heard of Eminem here.

You've put too much energy here into someone who doesn't deserve it. Save your words for those that add value to our planet.   

What's a pronto pup? It sounds like something I really need to experience!

a pronto pup is like a corn dog, only it's made with wheat flour instead of corn flour.  I think they taste much better!

who the fuck is virginia?

Trinitie

 

p.s.  "genius" here is used to describe a quality, no a person.  I said "you wouldn't recognize that he IZ  a genius", but I guess you wouldn't catch onto something like that.

You didn't (regonize that is) btw.

 

Trinitie