I never thought of it as an option for me. I didn't want to do it...still don't want to. Does that make me a coward? I don't think so. I'd probably sacrifice myself for someone, but I would never take my own life. Permanent solution to a temporary problem...that saying comes to mind. Besides, I couldn't do that to my friends and family....funerals are always so dreary and sad...and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone. So no, I've never really considered it....I have thought about what would happen if I was dead...but I never thought of doing the job myself. When I'm feeling down or shitty, I choose to live just to spite whatever is screwing me over....I project things outward, not onto myself. So really, I've never done any harm to myself...on purpose, besides eating junkfood...but I don't think that really counts.

~Zoo

SOOOOOOooo sorry to read that you were sad enough, or wanted to be numb enough to do that.

Yes,  I've thought about it, and....

I attempted suicide in 1967,   after a personal crisis,  and then again just before my mom died.

Life's too short as it is,  the thing about life is that: no matter how much we are hurting,  there's a great chance that tomorrow will be a LOT better AND we can't undo a suicide....it's forever.  No I don't think it's cowardly,  I think it shows us how much someone is hurting. 

I'm so glad,  so humbled to still be here and enjoying every single breath!   No matter how bad,  tomorrow IS another chance...

if I had suceeded,  I"d never have known the blessings of having my two children,  or graduating from tech-school,  or having dated the last guy I went with for 5 1/2 years,  or the taste of a pronto pup at the state fair!  There's soooooooo many good things that can happen and I don't want to miss a moment of it.  EVEN when life seems to completely suck and not even one person seems to care,  just remember what someone asked me:

What would you miss?

for me it's the sunrise,  the birds singing,  laughing, good movies,  the list is endless.

Like in the last five hours, or period?

The answer to both being yes............

Yes.

If I kill myself, the world wins.

Hell no. I will never be beaten so bad I can't live to fight another day.

yes, work through it though, don't do it!

Pick up the phone and call lifeline and talk, talk for hours if you have to, but reach out.

If that does not appeal to you then sit down and write. I wrote 32 poems in one night, it saved my life, I was seriously contemplating suicide then the urge to write came over me and I did not stop till I was spent.

I would miss the natural beauty of the earth we live on and I would miss natural the beauty and balance of animals if i committed suicide.

*sending you peace and light*

Yes.

There was a period in my life where I felt like being dead would be better than being alive.  It was when I found myself thinking about how easy it would be to shut the garage door and sit in the car with the engine running and actually formulating a plan to do just that that I knew I needed to get some help and get it soon.. I was thinking about sending the kids off to school then going and taking care of business - I'd have to make a date to meet with someone for before the kids came home so that someone would find me and the kids wouldn't have to see their dead mother in the garage.  (heh, even when I'm making plans to die I'm still thinking about my kids) 

I didn't do it, obviously.  I went to see my doctor the next day and I told him I was depressed.  Actually, I burst into tears as soon as he came into the room, which opened up a dialogue about how I was feeling.  He prescribed me pain meds (a big part of the problem was that I was in constant pain from healing broken bones and other injuries from a car accident 2 months before) and an anti-depressant (those act as catalysts for pain meds) and made me promise to come back and see him or call him every few days so he could keep an eye on me (my husband was gone for a year at the time).

He saved my life, but he doesn't know it.   I honestly think that had I not gone to see him I'd just have slid further down into the depression and the ideations might have become acts.  Who knows....I'm just glad to be here now.  Yeah, I have crappy days (and there seem to be more bad days than good right now) but even on my worst day I'm glad to be here.

Besides, I couldn't do that to my friends and family....funerals are always so dreary and sad...and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone.

That's the thing zoo, it's not about wanting to do that to anyone besides myself. It's not like I consider it because I want to hurt them. That's the farthest from the truth for me, although I'm sure that's possibly what some others might have in mind.

Permanent solution to a temporary problem...that saying comes to mind....When I'm feeling down or shitty, I choose to live just to spite whatever is screwing me over....I project things outward, not onto myself.

"Spoken" like a true optimist. I'm trying to learn to see things differently.

SOOOOOOooo sorry to read that you were sad enough, or wanted to be numb enough to do that.

Thanks Trudy. I'm glad to see that you made it through too!

for me it's the sunrise, the birds singing, laughing, good movies, the list is endless.

I've got a list going too. It does help to think in those positive terms.
What's a pronto pup? It sounds like something I really need to experience!

When I'm feeling down or shitty, I choose to live just to spite whatever is screwing me over....I project things outward, not onto myself. So really, I've never done any harm to myself...on purpose, besides eating junkfood...but I don't think that really counts.

Ornery. And I am the same way.

If I kill myself, the world wins.Hell no. I will never be beaten so bad I can't live to fight another day.

I like that attitude! I think somewhere deep down inside I do have a bit of that. I guess I should go dig it up and use it when I'm feeling down.

I think somewhere deep down inside I do have a bit of that

I think somewhere deep down every human has a bit of that.

I am not saying I don't take time out to lick my wounds, because of course I do. But always with the goal of healing and fighting again, or moving on, which is fighting with style.

If that does not appeal to you then sit down and write. I wrote 32 poems in one night, it saved my life, I was seriously contemplating suicide then the urge to write came over me and I did not stop till I was spent.

Yes, Jennifer, writing saved my lfe too. I have journal upon journal in a bookshelf in my home office. Some of them are too hard to look at, but at the same time I won't give them up for anything. Writing helps me clear my mind and it also helps me to see when things are getting overwhelming. My writing style changes drastically. I go from fluent cursive writing to cryptic scattered printing.

But always with the goal of healing and fighting again, or moving on, which is fighting with style.

This reminds me of something my husband always used to say to me - that everyday I have to get up and "kick-it."

dharma,

I'm glad that you went to the doctor and got help. I take pills but I absolutely hate them. The side affects are ghastly. I sleep no less than 10hrs per day. And I just down right don't feel like myself. I also think that along with taking away the low lows they take away the high highs too. I lose my creativity too...ohhh now I've started...sorry...

It was when I found myself thinking about how easy it would be to shut the garage door and sit in the car with the engine running

I actually took the carbon monoxide detector out to the garage and tested to see what level my car would get the garage too. And searched the internet to find the toxic levels. My boyfriend(now husband) told me that with new cars it wasn't even possible. He was wrong!

I'm just glad to be here now. Yeah, I have crappy days (and there seem to be more bad days than good right now) but even on my worst day I'm glad to be here.

I'm glad to hear that!