On the value of education
Dear Mr. Tuttle,
In an effort to help you, as a participant at Joeuser.com, I’d like to suggest the following modification to your post to help you, “Smart up” as you say. I am currently taking classes at a Michigan University to teach English at two-year colleges and hope to take this opportunity to invite you into the educational community. Based on my assessment of your ability to write a coherent essay on the topic of your choice, i.e. this post, I’d like to suggest that you start with English 090. Although this does not apply as credit toward an educational degree, I believe it would benefit you greatly. Your current writing skills put you at a sixth to seventh grade level, if that.
Some of the things that English 090 would teach you are:
• Plan and brainstorm ideas for an essay before beginning to write
• Produce edited, properly formatted essays
• Use introductions, conclusions, and paragraphs
• Write essays that demonstrate a sense of organization
• Use topic sentences
• Use transitions between sentences and paragraphs
• Reduce number of errors in grammar and punctuation
In an effort to help you, Gilford Tuttle, to “Smart up” as you say, I’d like to suggest the following modifications to your essay:
Many here on Joeuser.com think that I’m an idiot. (This would be the proper use of a topic sentence) People, please settle down and be at peace, I am just as you say. Pay no attention to me; carry on with your examination of each others post rather than my gibberish. This would be highly praised by any reasonably intelligent person. I am trying to learn to write coherent English and wish to practice here. In an effort to prevent further perturbation (note the expanded vocabulary here. You might want to consult a dictionary at this point. This word does not mean mastrubation...um....”wanking” as you might recognize in your language) here at JU I promise to desist in posting to the forums. I will relegate my trash to my own personal blog.
(Note the use of an extra line to separate ideas into paragraphs – repeat after me – p-a-r-a-g-r-a-p-h – definition: a subdivision of a written composition that consists of one or more sentences that deals with one point)
I’m currently trying to teach my students, who are even less educated than I am, how to edit my trash. Unfortunately they can’t understand me enough to even figure out how to read my posts. You see, they are in pre-k and currently focused on trying not to laugh at my idiocy. Even they can see it without having the ability to read my bullshit, as Shovelheat so aptly defined it. I pay them in lollipops but they still just laugh at me.
(New Paragraph)
To let you know how intelligent I am you might to check out my live Fearless Radio show. If you take a look you’ll find the following information about me. I’m sorry I have to retype the information here but I haven’t yet learned how to properly copy and paste links into that little box thingy.
(separate out quote with extra lines)
“From the depths of insanity comes a show that defies all convention. Two troubled young men, on a quest to rid the world of stupid buttheads, have taken to the airwaves....”
Yes, I am one of these insane, trouble young men. In fact, I’m both of them. You see, I suffer from multiple personality disorder and my other ‘me’ is even dumber than I am. On my quest to rid the world of stupid buttheads, like myself and me, we promise to start looking into ways that we might commit suicide, or at least disable ourself so that we can no longer communicate in such a lowly manner. I realize that the information I’m currently sending out into the world is worth less than the shit and piss I would leave in a diaper. I know that I am a lower caste than even trailer trash. This is why I can’t get a real radio show. If you ever suffer a closed head injury and become as stupid as I am you can listen to me live every Tuesday and Thursday from 7:00 to 10:00 pm CST.
(New Paragraph)
But you know, even dumb people like me have lots of pipedreams. One of them is to learn how to play poker. I know those idiots that I play with won’t understand when I have six aces in a five card draw. They are so stupid. I’m kicking as and taking names. I play with such a group of ninny’s. Of course, I’m not going to even think of asking anyone here at Joeuser to play. I know you’d kick my ass.
(New paragraph for conclusion)
So in closing I’d like let you know that before posting anymore trash to the forums I’ll try to smart up, um.. I mean learn to write with some coherence. I know that being kicked off of Joeuser.com is more likely to come first but for now I’m here and I’ll stay on the straight and narrow on my own blog.
Well, I need to go now. I’m getting ready to join the gay parade that’s going past my house. I’m all stoned and lubed up – ready to go as you might say. I’m going to get f*&^ed silly again. 
As you see, these modifications will help you get your point across in a clearer way than the shit you’ve previously shared on the forums. In the mean time, “Smart up!” And keep your shit to yourself.