If you found out you could, would you?

Criminal prosecution of a creep

Published on April 12, 2007 By Question of the Day In Misc

Here's the situation: (note: I really want to say this is a friend, but it's not it's me

)

I have a family member who abused me for a long time while I was growing up. He was a juvenile (<18) for some of the time and an adult for some of the time too. Anyway, I've thought for the past 10 years or so that he couldn't be prosecuted because of the statute of limitions. I've recently discovered that this may not be true. I'm supposed to see the county (where I currently live which is not the county that it happened in) court's victims' advocate on Friday to discuss it. But I'm not sure if I should pursue it. This whole line of thought came out of a discussion I had with my pastor on Tuesday. He thinks it's important to have him prosecuted. But I guess because I thought I couldn't I had pretty much given up on it, but now I really have to think about this. I think I should do it and my husband does to.

here are the pro's that I see:
* him getting put on the sex offenders list (most important thing to me)
* more resolution for me (maybe?)
* he deserves to be held to the law

And the con's:
* I don't really want to see him go to jail or prison
* more discord in the family - I'm pathetic - I still worry about what my parents will think - and I'm 36 - and haven't seen them in over three years

I'm not talking about forgiveness here. I'm not entirely sure what it means and if I have forgiven him.

What are your thoughts on this? Still hold the creep responsible? Just let go of the past and move on? What would you do if it was you or your child or a family member?

Comments

Locamama

on Apr 12, 2007

I think my biggest concern would be whether he is continuing the behavior. You don't want him putting other's through what he put you through. It's a really hard situation. I can understand the family pressure and situation making it harder. I don't think I'm any help at all. I do think he should be held responsible.

Zoologist03

on Apr 12, 2007

If I found out anyone was doing something like that to another person be they family or not, I'd be the one arrested because I'd beat the son of a bitch to within an inch of their life. If you can, prosecute the hell out of him.

~Zoo

Dr Guy

on Apr 12, 2007

think my biggest concern would be whether he is continuing the behavior.

That plus - will it bring closure for you? If he is continuing - there is no question he has to go down. If it will bring closure for you, then yes you have to do it. Those are the real pros and cons on this, and only you can answer the second - but the first is really as critical for the rest of your family as well - regardless of how they react to you going ahead with it. Since abusers usually (not always) go after those they are most familiar with - family members.

Question of the Day

on Apr 12, 2007

I think my biggest concern would be whether he is continuing the behavior.

This is definitely the reason to do something, but prosecuting him doesn't necessarly mean it will never happen again. I'm being realistic when I say I don't think he'll get much if any jail time. I've seen too much of this in the news to believe he'd be in the slammer for life or anything like that. But to have him on the list would be good.

After I was out of my parents home and 'un-brainwashed' (this in itself took about 7 years), I went to authorities to prevent him from seeing his daughter (who was turning 11). I always regret not doing something earlier but I was just unable to speak up and my parents wouldn't. This experience was horrible. I had to tell the lawyer the worst things while his secretary and some other assistant walked in and out of his office and wait the whole time while his secretary typed up the affidavit. Talk about torture. I didn't end up going to court, but he was prevented from seeing her anymore. In fact he didn't even show up - how's that for a father?

This girl says it didn't do anything to her, but there are questions about that. Some very bizarre stories surfaced. But even if he never did anything I'm still OK with this. Unlike everyone else in my family I DID the right thing.

But the whole experience with the lawyer just turns my stomach. It's as if I was in there telling him about a car accident or something like that. This is definitely in the back of my mind right now.

You don't think you were his ONLY one, do you?

No LW, I'm pretty realistic about it. In fact I was just talking to a professional yesterday who believes that a pedophile can't be changed and they can't be around children. She made a distinction between a pedophile and a sexual abuser but I don't really care about this. The creep's track record speaks volumes to this.

The only thing that's kept me from doing anything was this statute which changed after I went to see the aformentioned lawyer. That was in the late 90s and the law changed in 2001. So this is all news to me that I might be able to do something now. There is no longer a limitation for 1st deg Criminal Sexual conduct - which is penetration of any kind. There's plety of proof of this. I told other people - they just didn't do anything. But finding them now might be difficult and their memories might be faded. And as for my family - I can't expect any support from them. Heck I can see my parents in jail for contempt for refusing to testify about what they DO know.

It's just not an easy thing.....

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